i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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