About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
