thus making me awesome and them whores
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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