Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
