just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
