Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
