one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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