just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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