im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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