If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
