For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize