I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
