everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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