Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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