Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
