If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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