Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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