Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
