You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize