If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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