unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So many bounce houses so little time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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