whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
