So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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