If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
