oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
