Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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