i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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