I think I am morally bankrupt
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
