the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
