just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
