Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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