Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
