So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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