First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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