I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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