you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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