he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
