ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
