This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
