apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
