at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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