if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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