Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
