just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
