she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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