we're blogging at a bar
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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