Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
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