Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
