I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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