Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize