is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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