Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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