I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
