You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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