Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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