ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
