Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
