Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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