So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
