So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
