It's Friday. Sex?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
