apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
