Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
