I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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