i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sarcasm needs its own font
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
