so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
