my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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