I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Someone signed my nipple.
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