So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
