so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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