my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
