So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
