Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
