Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
