atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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