idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
