his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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