I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
