my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
