He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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