Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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