I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
