Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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